2nd or even 3rd Marriage? Remarriage Planning Tips

Tweet

Marriage and then divorce is becoming more commonplace in the United States. According the CDC, the divorce rate is 3.4 per 1,000 people. Let’s then consider some statistics on remarriage.

54% of divorced women will remarry within 5 years of their first divorce.

The likelihood of the second marriage ending in divorce or separation is 23% after 5 years and 39% after 10 years!

Is your life becoming the like the Brady Bunch?

Second marriages are not without their trials, tribulations and challenges to consider. Incorporating two families with children pose many issues to new family dynamics. The American Psychological Association has put together a few issues to consider when planning in order to ensure smooth transitions for every member of the family.

Planning for remarriage

“A marriage that brings with it children from a previous marriage presents many challenges. Such families should consider three key issues as they plan for remarriage:

• Financial and living arrangements

Adults should agree on where they will live and how they will share their money. Most often partners embarking on a second marriage report that moving into a new home, rather than one of the partner's prior residences, is advantageous because the new environment becomes "their home." Couples also should decide whether they want to keep their money separate or share it. Couples who have used the "one-pot" method generally reported higher family satisfaction than those who kept their money separate. 

• Resolving feelings and concerns about the previous marriage

Remarriage may resurrect old, unresolved anger and hurts from the previous marriage, for adults and children. For example, hearing that her parent is getting remarried, a child is forced to give up hope that the custodial parents will reconcile. Or a woman may exacerbate a stormy relationship with her ex-husband, after learning of his plans to remarry, because she feels hurt or angry. 

• Anticipating parenting changes and decisions

Couples should discuss the role the stepparent will play in raising their new spouse's children, as well as changes in household rules that may have to be made. Even if the couple lived together before marriage, the children are likely to respond to the stepparent differently after remarriage because the stepparent has now assumed an official parental role.”

Is your family becoming the Brady Bunch? What are your tips for transitioning your family to a cohesive dynamic? How are the children dealing with the new marriage?

Citations:

American Psychological Association. (2011). Making stepfamilies work. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/ 

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2011). Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the United States. Retrieved from http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/

Image by Keith Park. (2011). License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0. Retrieved from http://www.flickr.com/photos/diverkeith/2305006854

Image by flashbacks.com. (2011). License Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0). Retrieved from

http://www.flickr.com/photos/flashbackswiki/4583245624/

6 Tips - Parenting a Teenager

Oh the joys of raising teenagers! This can be a difficult time in the family dynamic. Teenagers seem to be on a hormonal roller-coaster while parents become frustrated with how the teen responds to authority, responsibility, and in general the choices that they make.

If you’re a parent of a teenager, or even a tween, be prepared for some conflicts to arise. Some of the most common include:

• Curfew, friends, and dating
• teen’s preference of hanging out with other teens vs the family
• homework disputes
• cars and driving privileges
• clothing, hair styles and makeup
• smoking, drinking and using drugs

What can parents do to minimize conflicts at home? 

Communication is key, but also responding in a way your child will hear you is the hard part. 

Here’s 6 tips:

• "Listen to their point of view, even if it's difficult to hear.
• Let them complete their point before you respond
• Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive.
• Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it's okay to disagree.
• Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think."
• Focus on your child's feelings rather than your own during your conversation."

How do you communicate with your children? What are your 

tips and tricks? Are you nervous about your younger 

children becoming teenagers? Share your stories!

Citations:

Image by yellowblade67. (2011). License: Attribution 2.0 Generic. Retrieved from http://www.flickr.com/photos/33427671@N06/3181262184/sizes/m/in/photostream/

American Psychological Association. (2011). Parenting: Theteen years. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/teen-years.aspx

American Psychological Association. (2011). Communication Tips for Parents. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/communication-parents.aspx

Military Personnel face Stress when Returning Home

On June 21, 2011 President Obama announced on live television that he will be pulling troops out of Afghanistan. The plan is to bring home 33,000 U.S. troops by next summer. The first withdrawal of 5,000 troops is anticipated to be this summer and 5,000 more by the end of the year. The remaining 20,000 troops are to follow by September 2013.

The troops coming home will face challenges and the stress of everyday civilian life. Not only will the troops face stress, so will their families and friends. The APA has put together information on stress with military personnel:

Stress will be more difficult for some

“How much stress returning military personnel experience may be affected in part by:

• The extent to which their duty was dangerous (even if they were only awaiting this danger)

• Death or serious injury in their military unit

• Possibility of exposure to chemical warfare or other weapons of mass destruction

• Length of time they spent overseas

• Exposure to dead and wounded (including enemy combatants and civilians)

• Past trauma that can be heightened by the stress of war

• Degree to which family dynamics have changed during their absence, such as a child's or spouse's increased dependency or independence

Families have been stressed, too. The families of deployed personnel have had their own set of problems during the conflict, such as:

• Fear for the deployed family member's safety

• Disruption of established patterns and routines

• Decreased income and financial worry

• Negative reactions from children to sudden changes in the family environment

• Need to develop new resilience skills, renew family relationships, make new friends, and join support groups

• Being overburdened by new roles and responsibilities

Many families will continue to have pressures during the homecoming period, including:

• Being second-guessed for decisions made during a member's absence during war

• Having conflict over new relationships-- such as a new baby and new friends

• Experiencing shifts in decision making

• The fact that family dynamics can never return to what they were before deployment”

Do you know someone going through stress from being away at war? Is the decision making in the home more difficult now? How have you overcome some of these stresses? Please comment, give your thoughts and advice!

Citations:
American Psychological Association. Stress will be more difficult for some. (2011). Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/ 

Image by: Jayscratch. (2011). License: Attribution-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-ND 2.0). Retrieved from 
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jayscratch/4584626571/sizes/z/in/photostream/

Congrats! Contest Winner!

Thank you to all who participated in our 

Contest for Chicago White Sox tickets! 

I hope you enjoyed playing & we will continue to do contests!

We have a WINNER! 

Congrats Keith Barzano (@keithbarzano)

Do you have suggestions for future prizes? What would you like to win? The contest lasted 8 days, was that too short or too long?

We want to hear your feedback! Please comment.

6 Strategies to Control Anger before it Controls You

Tweet

1. Relaxation – Relaxation tools such as deep breathing, meditation, and yoga can help minimize feelings of anger that may otherwise spiral out of control. Relaxation techniques should be practiced daily to maximize its effectiveness.

 2. Cognitive Restructuring – This fancy term simply means changing the way one thinks. Anger begets anger. If one is always thinking in the negative, their frame of mind will stay in the negative. Think positively and stay away from using words like, “never” and “always”. Nothing is ever absolute. Anger never solves anything; actually it does the opposite by fueling the fire.

3.  Problem Solving – Anger is mostly caused by some problem in our lives. The obvious response is to find a solution to that problem. Unfortunately there may not always be a solution, so focus on the way the situation is handled. Making a plan, checking the progress, and give it one’s all makes one less likely to lose patience.

4. Better Communication – Don’t jump to conclusions, as they may be wrong. If you find yourself in a heated discussion, slow down and think through the responses instead of shooting off the cuff. Sometimes the first thought that comes to mind is not always the best response. To have communication, one also has to listen! Listen to the other person and what they are saying as well as listening to the anger that may be brewing. At this point, using the other strategies become very important.

5. Using Humor – Humor can defuse anger and rage by obtaining a more balanced perspective. Try this technique: The next time you are angry and call someone a mean name, think about what that name really means. For example, “dirtbag”, image that person actually being a bag of dirt. Seems a little silly doesn’t it? But it can be effective.

6. Changing Your Environment – If work makes you angry, think about changing your job. If certain people in your life make you angry, try coping strategies to control the anger and possibly walk away from the angry situation at hand. Cooling off periods, giving yourself a break, and having personal time help to diminish anger.

Citations:

American Psychological Association. (2011). Controlling Anger Before It Controls You. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx#

Image by: Mi Amor

License: Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

Retrieved from http://www.flickr.com/photos/sidnid/3251196304/sizes/m/in/photostream/

Last Day 2 Win Chicago White Sox Tickets!

Have you entered into the 

Twitter Contest yet?

Don't Delay! Last Day!


Win 2 Tickets to the 

 Chicago White Sox vs. Boston Red Sox

Sunday, July 31st at 1:10pm

Contest dates: Monday June 20th - Tuesday June 28th 

Tweet

The Prize

Date: Sunday, July 31, 2011

Time: 1:10pm

Where: US Cellular Field

Seats: Box 154, Row 15, Seats 1 & 2

View the Contest Page for complete details.

2 Days Left!

2 Days Left!

Don't Delay!


Win 2 Tickets to the 

 Chicago White Sox vs. Boston Red Sox

Sunday, July 31st at 1:10pm

Contest dates: Monday June 20th - Tuesday June 28th 

Tweet

The Prize

Date: Sunday, July 31, 2011

Time: 1:10pm

Where: US Cellular Field

Seats: Box 154, Row 15, Seats 1 & 2

View the Contest Page for complete details.

Improving Memory Techniques

Tweet

Memories are supposed to last a lifetime, according to many popular quotes. But for some, memory doesn't last a lifetime. People take different approaches to the prevention of memory loss.

One way people attempt to prevent memory loss is by searching out the latest pill or treatment. Stores like GNC sell herb pills, vitamins and supplements by promoting products as brain boosters and memory pills.

Psychologists look for alternative strategies that have nothing to do with the latest memory prevention fads. They focus on learning and memory. Common strategies include:

Mental snapshots – Think of your mind as a camera. By taking a "mental snapshot" of where you placed your keys, you are taking a mental note. This only takes a few moments to do.

Slow down - If you are rushing around and not paying attention, your ability to remember where you left something will diminish. If you are trying to remember something you have read, slowing down and focusing on the information will render learning and memory retention.

Brain training – Memory training helps individuals who are starting to exhibit early signs of memory loss. The concept is to bypass the faulty areas of the brain and training new areas of the brain to take the place of the faulty areas. A couple ways to do this is by using mnemonic devices and vanishing cues.

Mnemonic devices are popular memory aids. They are often verbal and are used to help one remember lists or names. These devices rely on associations between easy to remember items and data that one wants to remember.

Vanishing cues is another popular technique. If you are trying to remember a name, write down the letters that you know are in the name. Then fill in more letters until your recall kicks in.

Use Technology – We are in the technology age, so use it to your advantage. Use the calendar system on your phone and create reminders for the appointments that signal you a few hours in advance to a few minutes in advance of the appointment. If you have a smart phone, there are numerous apps and games for improving memory and learning skills.

Exercise – Research has shown that exercise and staying active helps boost your mood which in turn helps memory.

Citations:

American Psychological Association. (2011). Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/topics/

Image by vaXzine. License: Attribution-Noncommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic. (2011). Retrieved from http://www.flickr.com/photos/vaxzine/2278300537/sizes/o/in/photostream/)

10 Communication & Body Language Tips

 

Communication is easier for some than others. We all know someone who just has that natural ability to communicate effectively and have the body language to back it up. It seems so effortless but the truth is that most people have to work at communicating with others. By practicing and mastering these 10 tips of body language, you are one step closer effective communication.

1.    Stand up straight and lean forward when seated. This demonstrates interest in what the other person is saying. But be careful… you don’t want to be a “close talker”. Assess your proximity to the person you are interacting with. 

2.    Use gestures and facial expressions. If you don’t use gestures and facial expressions, you are not conveying your message to its full potential. A smile goes a long way and makes for a more engaging and effective message. Move your hands around a bit. You don’t want to come across as being stiff, but yet again, use some refrain. You don’t want to look like an air traffic controller!

3.    Eye contact. Very important! Eye contact says to the other person that you are listening and interested in what they are saying. This may be something that needs to be worked on because little eye contact shows disinterest and too much eye contact can make people feel uncomfortable. 

4.    Don’t cross your arms. This is seen as defensive and closed off. Your goal when communicating with others is to be open and social.

5.    Relax! This is easier said than done sometimes, but try to be conscious of the tension and nerves you may be displaying. Start by trying to relax your shoulders and the rest of your body will start to relax as a result.

6.    The head nod. Nodding as the other person is talking displays you understand what they are saying. Nod every once and awhile, not constantly. 

7.    Sit up straight. No one likes a sloucher! Slouching comes across as disinterest. 

8.    Chin up! One of the signs of low self-confidence is staring at the floor when conversing. Keep your head and eyes up, showing confidence in your conversation. 

9.    Lower your drink. If you are drinking and conversing at the same time, it is polite to hold your drink at your side. Holding your drink in front of your chest or heart makes you seem guarded. 

10.  Mimic. During fascinating conversations, people tend to mimic or mirror each others body language without even realizing it! Take note of the body language that the other person is displaying and follow along. Just don’t be obvious about it because that will make the other person very uncomfortable. Delay your actions a minute or two later.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/

Image by sha3teely. Retrieved from http://sha3teely.com/?p=128

Reminder! Twitter Contest!

Reminder!! We're having a Twitter Contest!


Win 2 Tickets to the 

 Chicago White Sox vs. Boston Red Sox

Sunday, July 31st at 1:10pm

Contest dates: Monday June 20th - Tuesday June 28th 

To win, simply click on the Tweet button! See below for rules.

Tweet

 

VS

The Prize

2 FREE tickets to the Chicago White Sox vs. Boston Red Sox baseball game.

What a VALUABLE Prize! You deserve to be the happy winner!

Date: Sunday, July 31, 2011

Time: 1:10pm

Where: US Cellular Field

Seats: Box 154, Row 15, Seats 1 & 2

View the Contest Page for complete details.

Insomnia Story

Tweet

Big test in the morning?

High stakes meeting with a very important client tomorrow?

These are normal circumstances in life which make sleeping the night before difficult for some. This is typically due to stress and the unknown of what the outcome of the next day will be.

Where sleep becomes an issue is frequency of interrupted sleep as it is important to a person’s health. I, Mindy Perry, have struggled with insomnia for years without even realizing I had it or that it was a problem.

Here’s some statistics from a survey done by the National Sleep Foundation (1999-2004):

• 40 million Americans suffer from over 70 different sleep disorder
• 60% of adults report having sleep problems a few nights a week or more. Most of those with these problems go undiagnosed and untreated.
• More than 40% of adults experience daytime sleepiness severe enough to interfere with their daily activities at least a few days each month - with 20% reporting problem sleepiness a few days a week or more
• 69% of children experience one or more sleep problems a few nights or more during a week.

This is my life. For the longest time, I dealt with my overall sleepiness and multiple wake ups per night.  I was tired all the time, and I was able to fall asleep anywhere and at any time.  I did nothing about it for a very long time, just like the survey says.  I finally discussed my issue with my primary care physician about my sleepiness, and he suggested doing a sleep study in order to evaluate what was happening. This was the best thing I could have done.

I’m not going to lie, the sleep study was not the most enjoyable experience of my life, but it was bearable. I am very thankful that I did because I was officially diagnosed with insomnia. Once I had the diagnosis, it became real in my mind and I worked at listening to my body instead of ignoring it. One of the options I was given was to seek the guidance of a psychologist who could help with sleep techniques.

According to leading sleep researchers and psychologists, there are techniques to combat common sleep problems:

• Keep a regular sleep/wake schedule (Which I do, and it helps track different times of the month when my insomnia is at it’s peak. By knowing when it may be at its worst, I can take a proactive approach)
• Don’t drink or eat caffeine four to six hours before bed and minimize daytime use (My husband made tea at 8pm one day and I was up all night. Lesson learned!)
• Don’t smoke, especially near bedtime or if you awake in the night (I quit two years ago!)
• Avoid alcohol and heavy meals before sleep
• Get regular exercise (This is important. Since being diagnosed, I have entered in a few 5k races in my community)
• Minimize noise, light and excessive hot and cold temperatures where you sleep (Much to the dismay of my electric bill, I agree that a constant temperature helps to keep me asleep at night)
• Develop a regular bed time and go to bed at the same time each night (This has helped tremendously.)
• Try and wake up without an alarm clock (This is not an option for me, you’re lucky if you can do this.)
• Attempt to go to bed earlier every night for certain period; this will ensure that you’re getting enough sleep

 

All of the above techniques have helped me get a more restful night sleep. If you would like more information or help from a psychologist or counselor trained to help people cope with insomnia, please comment or give us a call. 

Thanks for reading! I would love to hear your techniques on how to manage Insomnia!  

- Mindy Perry

Citations:

American Psychological Association. (2011). How to get a good night sleep. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/topics/sleep/why.aspx#

Image by: babblingdweeb. (2011). Photo license: Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0) Retrieved from http://www.flickr.com/photos/babblingdweeb/194232264 

 

Image by: Allysa L. Miller. (2011). Photo license: Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0). Retrieved from http://www.flickr.com/photos/alyssafilmmaker/3628914665/

 

Mental Health Among the Elderly

Mental health of the elderly is a growing concern.

Think of mental health and then think of an elderly person. What images does that provoke? If you thought Alzheimer’s disease or Dementia, you are not alone, as they are some of the most common mental health concerns. 

But, aging people face many mental health issues besides dementia related problems. Depression & anxiety are also very common and treatable! Other later in life problems that can result in depression and anxiety:

• Declining physically & increased overall health problems

• Caring for a spouse with dementia or a physical disability

• Grieving for the loss of a spouse or loved one

• Managing conflicts within the family structure

• Moving in with family or into a nursing home

The APA is predicting that by 2030, the number of older adults with mental and behavioral problems will increase from 4 million (1970) to 15 million!

It’s time that awareness is drawn to this segment of the population. If more services were available, the elderly would have a better quality of life. Currently, psychologists provide more than 50,000 hours of care each WEEK to older adults! Some of the overall improvements if more services were provided would be:

• Improved mental & physical health

• Reduction in health care expenses by lowering the frequency of primary care visits

As a mental health practice, we service the elderly population by treating patients in the nursing homes and by seeing patients in the office. But, it is really up to the family or the elderly individual to seek help. Yes, I’m back to the awareness part again. Families and communities need to create awareness and let go of the “stigma” that is associated with mental health. Everyone needs someone to talk to at some point in their lives, why not talk to someone who has special training?

I urge you… do one thing today that will create awareness for mental health in the elderly today!

Citations:

American Psychological Association. (2011). Psychologists Make a Significant Contribution. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/pi/aging/resources/guides/aging.pdf

Image by JohnLucas1983. Flickr. An elderly couple attending the main rally at Hyde Park. (2011). Attribution-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-ND 2.0) Retrieved from http://www.flickr.com/photos/jlucas1983/5568304435

Image by Ian Britton. Freefoto.com. (2011). Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License Retrieved from
http://www.freefoto.com/preview/41-01-51/Elderly-People

Suicide is 100% Preventable

We were recently asked to supply some resources to families of suicide victims. So I thought I would share it in this blog. Suicide accounts for about 2% of the deaths per year. It’s common to assume that suicides occur mostly in teenagers, aged 15 – 24, but this is not the case. Most suicides occur in males over the age of 69!

Before I get into the resources, I would like to point out some Suicide Warning Signs that the APA has compiled. If you or anyone you know displays these warning signs, look for help. There is a National Hotline Suicide Prevention Lifeline number to call, 800-273-TALK (8255). 

“Suicide warning signs

Learn how to recognize the danger signals.

Be concerned if someone you know:

• Talks about committing suicide
• Has trouble eating or sleeping
• Exhibits drastic changes in behavior
• Withdraws from friends or social activities
• Loses interest in school, work or hobbies
• Prepares for death by writing a will and making final arrangements
• Gives away prized possessions
• Has attempted suicide before
• Takes unnecessary risks
• Has recently experienced serious losses
• Seems preoccupied with death and dying
• Loses interest in his or her personal appearance
• Increases alcohol or drug use.”

Furthermore, the APA has information on getting help, articles, and recommended books for dealing with the loss of a loved one due to suicide. http://www.apa.org/topics/suicide/index.aspx

I did come across this website a few weeks ago for Teens, and I wrote a blog specifically on this resource. It’s a teen health community! I know that this doesn’t directly apply to the families, but maybe if this resource and others like it were more commonplace, there could be fewer suicides. http://www.bodimojo.com/about.htm

Another resource is the National Institute of Mental Health. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml

Group and individual counseling for family members is powerful in the healing process. It is recommended to seek professional counseling during the grieving process.  

Local support centers are another great avenue for support as well as reaching out to other families that have gone through the same unfortunate tragedy. The Surviving Project is a new website set up by a family who has been through this tragic ordeal:

"The Surviving Project hopes to increase awareness about suicide and provide support, comfort, love, and hope to those whose lives have been forever changed by the loss of a loved one by suicide.  We are survivors of what is sometimes described as the most debilitating and complicated grief known.  The Surviving Project was created within one family’s journey through this grief as a way to give back to others and provide support and understanding in the days, weeks, months, and years following the loss of someone so special in their lives."

Please visit their site @ www.thesurvivingproject.com

Please comment or ask questions via the comment box!

- Mindy Perry, Marketer

Citations:

American Psychological Association. Suicide. (2011). Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/topics/suicide/index.aspx

American Psychological Association.  Suicide Warning Signs. (2011). Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/topics/suicide/signs.aspx

Image by MilitaryHealth. License: Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0. Retrieved from  

http://www.flickr.com/photos/militaryhealth/3877850929/
Image by US Army Korea. License: Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0). Retrieved from http://www.flickr.com/photos/imcomkorea/4972036469/ 
Image by The MJL Foundation. Yellow Ribbon Awareness. Retrieved from 
http://www.mjlfoundation.org/sponsors_1st.html

Teen Health Community Website

In the spirit of National Mental Health Month, I’d like to share with you an online resource for teens. 

The website is Bodimojo, and it’s an online health and wellness community for teenagers.  They have a great catchy slogan: “Warning: Health can be Habit Forming”. This website features information all about teen health issues from body image, dating, eating disorders, nutrition and fitness.

Their mission is clear and simple: “Give all teens a place, a voice, and a chance to take control of their health and feel good about it.” Bodimojo’s goal “is to build a community of teenagers that allows youth to connect, motivate, and inspire one another in healthy decision making.

Information for teens, especially health related information, is especially important to ensure that they grow up as happy, healthy adults. 

Not only is information presented in the form of articles and blogs, the website includes music, games, quizzes, videos, and contests. Plus, this website is a place for teens to do what they do best, share information with their friends. Information can be shared with the major social media sites! What can be better than that?

Teens model their behaviors and boundaries in relation to what their friends are doing. So if a teen is tweeting or posting health related information, their friends will listen, adapt, and pass along the information to their friends.

If you have a teen or pre-teen, check out this website as a resource. 

by: Mindy Perry, Marketer

Citations:

Bodimojo. (2011). Home Page. Retrieved from http://www.bodimojo.com/

Image by circulating.  Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic. Retrieved from:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/circulating/1665261206/