2nd or even 3rd Marriage? Remarriage Planning Tips

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Marriage and then divorce is becoming more commonplace in the United States. According the CDC, the divorce rate is 3.4 per 1,000 people. Let’s then consider some statistics on remarriage.

54% of divorced women will remarry within 5 years of their first divorce.

The likelihood of the second marriage ending in divorce or separation is 23% after 5 years and 39% after 10 years!

Is your life becoming the like the Brady Bunch?

Second marriages are not without their trials, tribulations and challenges to consider. Incorporating two families with children pose many issues to new family dynamics. The American Psychological Association has put together a few issues to consider when planning in order to ensure smooth transitions for every member of the family.

Planning for remarriage

“A marriage that brings with it children from a previous marriage presents many challenges. Such families should consider three key issues as they plan for remarriage:

• Financial and living arrangements

Adults should agree on where they will live and how they will share their money. Most often partners embarking on a second marriage report that moving into a new home, rather than one of the partner's prior residences, is advantageous because the new environment becomes "their home." Couples also should decide whether they want to keep their money separate or share it. Couples who have used the "one-pot" method generally reported higher family satisfaction than those who kept their money separate. 

• Resolving feelings and concerns about the previous marriage

Remarriage may resurrect old, unresolved anger and hurts from the previous marriage, for adults and children. For example, hearing that her parent is getting remarried, a child is forced to give up hope that the custodial parents will reconcile. Or a woman may exacerbate a stormy relationship with her ex-husband, after learning of his plans to remarry, because she feels hurt or angry. 

• Anticipating parenting changes and decisions

Couples should discuss the role the stepparent will play in raising their new spouse's children, as well as changes in household rules that may have to be made. Even if the couple lived together before marriage, the children are likely to respond to the stepparent differently after remarriage because the stepparent has now assumed an official parental role.”

Is your family becoming the Brady Bunch? What are your tips for transitioning your family to a cohesive dynamic? How are the children dealing with the new marriage?

Citations:

American Psychological Association. (2011). Making stepfamilies work. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/ 

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2011). Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the United States. Retrieved from http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/

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6 Tips - Parenting a Teenager

Oh the joys of raising teenagers! This can be a difficult time in the family dynamic. Teenagers seem to be on a hormonal roller-coaster while parents become frustrated with how the teen responds to authority, responsibility, and in general the choices that they make.

If you’re a parent of a teenager, or even a tween, be prepared for some conflicts to arise. Some of the most common include:

• Curfew, friends, and dating
• teen’s preference of hanging out with other teens vs the family
• homework disputes
• cars and driving privileges
• clothing, hair styles and makeup
• smoking, drinking and using drugs

What can parents do to minimize conflicts at home? 

Communication is key, but also responding in a way your child will hear you is the hard part. 

Here’s 6 tips:

• "Listen to their point of view, even if it's difficult to hear.
• Let them complete their point before you respond
• Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive.
• Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it's okay to disagree.
• Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think."
• Focus on your child's feelings rather than your own during your conversation."

How do you communicate with your children? What are your 

tips and tricks? Are you nervous about your younger 

children becoming teenagers? Share your stories!

Citations:

Image by yellowblade67. (2011). License: Attribution 2.0 Generic. Retrieved from http://www.flickr.com/photos/33427671@N06/3181262184/sizes/m/in/photostream/

American Psychological Association. (2011). Parenting: Theteen years. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/teen-years.aspx

American Psychological Association. (2011). Communication Tips for Parents. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/communication-parents.aspx

Military Personnel face Stress when Returning Home

On June 21, 2011 President Obama announced on live television that he will be pulling troops out of Afghanistan. The plan is to bring home 33,000 U.S. troops by next summer. The first withdrawal of 5,000 troops is anticipated to be this summer and 5,000 more by the end of the year. The remaining 20,000 troops are to follow by September 2013.

The troops coming home will face challenges and the stress of everyday civilian life. Not only will the troops face stress, so will their families and friends. The APA has put together information on stress with military personnel:

Stress will be more difficult for some

“How much stress returning military personnel experience may be affected in part by:

• The extent to which their duty was dangerous (even if they were only awaiting this danger)

• Death or serious injury in their military unit

• Possibility of exposure to chemical warfare or other weapons of mass destruction

• Length of time they spent overseas

• Exposure to dead and wounded (including enemy combatants and civilians)

• Past trauma that can be heightened by the stress of war

• Degree to which family dynamics have changed during their absence, such as a child's or spouse's increased dependency or independence

Families have been stressed, too. The families of deployed personnel have had their own set of problems during the conflict, such as:

• Fear for the deployed family member's safety

• Disruption of established patterns and routines

• Decreased income and financial worry

• Negative reactions from children to sudden changes in the family environment

• Need to develop new resilience skills, renew family relationships, make new friends, and join support groups

• Being overburdened by new roles and responsibilities

Many families will continue to have pressures during the homecoming period, including:

• Being second-guessed for decisions made during a member's absence during war

• Having conflict over new relationships-- such as a new baby and new friends

• Experiencing shifts in decision making

• The fact that family dynamics can never return to what they were before deployment”

Do you know someone going through stress from being away at war? Is the decision making in the home more difficult now? How have you overcome some of these stresses? Please comment, give your thoughts and advice!

Citations:
American Psychological Association. Stress will be more difficult for some. (2011). Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/ 

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